Introduction

 reminisce

verb [ I ]   formal

us  /ˌrem.əˈnɪs/

to talk or write about past experiences that you remember with pleasure:

It may seem odd to people that a former Mormon remembers their days as a Mormon with fondness. Of course, we're not supposed to use the term "Mormon" but we did back in my day, the mid-century days of the 1950s through to the time I left, in the 1980s. 

I loved being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Being born into it, I really didn't know anything else but because I grew up outside of Utah (on the east coast) I had the benefit of knowing there were other people who belonged to other faiths and were nice folk. 

But I always felt rather sorry for them. Oh, they were religious people, no doubt. And though their beliefs were a bit of a mystery to me, I was certain they were sincere. As a little child I didn't think that much of it. In my teen years I would be more thoughtful and conconcerned. They only had part of the truth, I had been told. We, as Mormons, had "the fullness of the everlasting Gospel".

Looking back on it, I was never sure what the "Gospel" was. Not in a clear and concise way anyway. What all did it encompass? If someone were to ask me to define "The Gospel" I doubt I could have explained it. I could have bore my testimony:

I know this Church is true, that Jesus is the Christ, that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that the current President, David O. McKay is a prophet of God". 

David O. McKay passed away in January of 1970 and was quickly replaced by Joseph Fielding Smith who lasted only two years. But that didn't change my testimony. Whomever was the prophet was a prophet, as far as I was concerned. Like so many people back then, I simply didn't question things. Or, as they sang in The Book of Mormon broadway show: "I am a Mormon! And a Mormon just believes!"

Before leaving the church in 1983, I never thought about most things, at least not for more than a very brief period of time. And on those rare occasions of reflection, I always remembered that the prophets were just men and, unless they spoke "in the name of the Lord" everything else was opinion. And even prophets were entitled to have opinions, right?'

And if, by some chance, you happened to still have doubts and concerns where the prophets were concerned, the second prophet of the church once said:

" How do we know that the leaders of this people teach the truth? By revelation. What proved this work true to you? Was it not the spirit of revelation that rested upon you? . . . Let all persons be fervent in prayer, until they know the things of God for themselves and become certain that they are walking in the path that leads to everlasting life" [Brigham Young, Discourses of Brigham Young, p. 38].

In other words, if you doubt that the prophet is teaching truth its because you haven't had it revealed to you that his is teaching truth. 

Part of leaving involves doubting yourself. And when you're happy somewhere, you tend to push the negative away. So between the two, leaving isn't as easy as some assume it to be.

Over the past thirty or so years since I left, the church has made some significant changes. And some of those changes are quite positive while others are, well, emblematic of what has plagued the church since its inception: an unwillingness to take responsibility for the actions of its leadership.

It wasn't easy to leave. Unlike so many former members, I didn't have bad experiences or anything like that. Nobody offended me. And to this day I don't smoke, drink alcohol or caffeine products. I never saw a reason for any of it. Though I admit to once having a caffeine overload at a Baptist social that landed me in the emergency room, I didn't stick with it.

I reflect on my days as a member with fondness and, in some cases, humor. But there were things that, looking back on them, I wish I had spoken up about. When I left, I still believed much of these things. In fact, the only thing I questioned was the doctrine of God. But even then, I believed the problem wasn't the church's teaching about God, it was me- I didn't understand it somehow. 

Apparently nobody else did, either. Because no matter who I asked, all I was told was to read the Book of Mormon, and pray for revelation.

I did. I read and I prayed and eventually had to conclude that it was better if I left until I could sort it out. Again, I was convinced the problem lay with me. Not with the teachings.

A funny thing happened once I made that decision. Where before I had little, if any, desire to know about other people's beliefs, suddenly I was curious about them. It wasn't enough to know that the Presbyterian church across the street from my Ward House agreed not to use our side of the street as we agreed not to use theirs. Suddenly I wanted to know what they believed. Not what I was told they believed. But what they really believed. 

I'm not sure how today's younger Mormons see things. When I've had occasions to speak with the young, scrubbed Missionaries, they don't seem any different from the ones I dealt with so many years ago. And when I've had the occasion to tell them about some things we did "back in the day" they sometimes recognized it; sometimes not.

And more often than not, I would hear, "Yeah, my parents talk about that, too."

These pages are more about my personal remembrances, based on LDS life growing up and the realities I've come to embrace since then.

I never realized how poorly my understanding was of Christian doctrine and practice.